I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
