you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
