Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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