I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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