he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
