1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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