It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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