i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
drinking out of a sandbucket again
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
