She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Sorry about my life...
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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