Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize