im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
