I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize
