The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
