K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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