Swine flu. Run for my life!
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
