Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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