First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
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My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
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I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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