I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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