Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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