I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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