hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
