I think im going to throw up on grandma
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
