Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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