Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
