i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
