why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
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Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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