they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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