i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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