You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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