Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
