Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
