it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
