i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i think i have two assholes
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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