i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I would ride that face into the sunset
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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