I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
