Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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