I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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