GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
