I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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