the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
