i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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