This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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