If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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