At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
