True but thats because hes a fetus.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
