was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
