Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
