its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
