I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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