Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
