whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I think I am morally bankrupt
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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