i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
just tell him i said nine months
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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