i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
