Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
