last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
