yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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