i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
