the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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