Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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