Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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