I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
