Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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