Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
