yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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