I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
