Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
